Seeking Out Memory Care for a Senior Loved One

When your spouse or loved one with dementia reaches the point where you can no longer provide the type and quality of care they need, it’s time for a major transition.

According to Lisa Reynolds, Executive Director of Bethesda Hawthorne Place, an assisted living and memory support community in St. Louis, Missouri, the best way you can begin preparing is to have a conversation about the future as soon as possible – and most likely before you think you need to.

“When the first signs of dementia become evident, that’s when family members need to talk and get everyone on the same page,” Lisa says. “That may sound easy enough, but there is usually going to be someone in the family who isn’t ready for that conversation yet. And keep in mind that there are going to be many discussions that take place before decisions are made.”

Talking about memory care and a dementia care plan

Sometimes it can be very difficult for family members who don’t see Mom or Dad on a regular basis to understand that their parents can’t safely take care of themselves anymore.

“Maybe some family members live out of town, so they don’t see what the others see,” Lisa says. “It’s also important to involve your loved one in the conversation if they are in the early stages of dementia. By doing this, you can help them to better understand what’s happening to them, and hopefully become as comfortable with things as possible.”

Once the decision has been made to find a memory care community and seek a dementia care plan for your loved one, it’s time to do your homework.

“I always tell families to do their research and narrow down their choices,” Lisa says. “Find a couple places you’re comfortable with as finalists before you take your loved one for a visit. Don’t drag them all over the place. Endless tours of different residences will create confusion and uncertainty.”

Once a couple of top options have been established, Lisa suggests family members should take the opportunity to spend some time in the community and get to know the staff. That should help you make a decision, and you can start to put a plan for the transition and your loved one’s dementia care plan in place.

Top priorities when searching for a Memory Care community

• Find a positive environment – You’d want to live in a place where the staff is friendly and greets you with a smile, right? Your loved one does, too.
• A responsive staff – Are people responding promptly when residents have a question or ask for help? They should be. If there appears to be disorganization and a lack of urgency on the part of the staff, keep looking at other options.
• Residents appear well-cared for – Are the people who live in the memory care residence well-dressed and groomed? If not, they aren’t getting the sort of respect and attention they deserve.
• Choose a place that specializes in memory care – Special needs require special skills, and not all senior communities specialize in memory care. Make sure the place you choose has staff trained to properly care for seniors experiencing dementia.

After you choose the community, it’s time to start thinking about moving day.

“You need to be prepared, because often things will go the opposite of what you expect,” Lisa warns. “For some, it’s just the new normal and things go very smoothly. For others, it is very traumatic. Be patient. You have to give your loved one an opportunity to develop trust and a comfort level with the staff and their new surroundings.”

Ways to make the transition smoother

• Be a frequent visitor – It will make your loved one feel more comfortable to see your familiar face as they get used to their new home.
• Bring familiar items from their home – Outfitting their room with a few of their favorite items will make it seem more like home to them.
• Develop a close relationship with the staff – They may be experienced caregivers, but the staff doesn’t know your loved one like you do. So, they might call with questions about what your family member likes and needs.
• Take care of yourself! – We all want to do everything we can to take care of the people we love, and it can feel defeating when you have to admit the situation is more than you can handle. Counseling can help you through this transitional period and remind you of why it was the best thing to do for everyone involved.

“It’s a big change,” Lisa says of the transition from life at home to a community with memory care. “Just remember that the main objective is for your loved one to be in the safest, most positive situation possible. Family members can then go back to being husbands or daughters and sons instead of caretakers.

“Sometimes changes are tough, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t for the best. And you can take comfort in knowing you did what was best for them.”

If you feel that a senior in your life may need memory care support or a dementia care plan, contact Bethesda for more information.