Connect in Conversation: Questions for Reminiscing with Seniors

Have you ever sat down with your senior loved one to discuss their life experiences and family history? It is a terrific way to learn about your roots while spending some real quality time with someone important to you.

Sharing experiences can be enlightening for you, joyous for your senior loved one, and a heartwarming time for both of you. Unfortunately too many people are left wishing they could go back in time to ask their parents or grandparents questions that didn’t occur to them earlier. So, don’t miss your opportunity and make the most out of it by recording the conversation on video or audio if possible – or at least by carefully transcribing it in a keepsake journal you can pass on to your children.

The only problem is figuring out where to start. Not all seniors are able to talk about themselves very easily. The best way to get the answers we seek, naturally, is to the right questions to ask. The challenge is figuring out how to “break the ice” and get the conversation flowing.

Here are a few interesting topics to get things started and questions for reminiscing with seniors:

Family History

What we know about our family tree is reliant on what previous generations have shared. Therefore, the logical place to begin is by asking your elderly relative what their parents and grandparents told them about the origins of their family and how they got where they are today. If your parent or grandparent sometimes feels self-conscious talking about themselves, these questions can be a great place to start.

• What can you tell me about the origin of our family’s name?
• Do you know about the family crest and what it represents?
• Where did the family come from? Have you ever visited that place?

If your senior loved one doesn’t readily know the answers to these questions, it can be fun to research them together on sites like Ancestry.com.

Life when they were young

Not only will a walk down “Memory Lane” give your senior loved ones a chance to reminisce about good times and important experiences in their life, but it will offer you a first-hand account of what life was like decades ago.

• Tell me about where you lived and what your house was like when you were growing up.
• What did you do for fun when you were a kid? What were your hobbies? What was school like when you were a youngster?
• What were your parents like when you were growing up? What were their jobs? Did you have a favorite meal when you were a kid?
• When was your first date and what was that like? Where did you go and what did you do? When did you meet your spouse?
• What was your first job, and can you tell me about it?

Hopefully, these questions for reminiscing with seniors will naturally lead to follow-ups about the details of their youth, stirring up memories that are important to remember and pass on to the next generation.

The best of times

Now that you’ve set the scene about what life was like for your senior loved one sixty or seventy years ago and the memories are flowing, it’s a good time to take the conversation a little bit deeper and change the focus to the personal history of your parent or grandparent. It’s time to ask about the pivotal moments of their life that made them who they are. Here are some example questions for reminiscing with seniors:

• Tell me about your wedding day. How did you know your spouse was the right person for you?
• What was the best day of your life and why?
• Which of your accomplishments makes you the proudest?
• Did you have a dream or life goal when you were growing up and are you satisfied that you made them come true?
• What was the most fun thing you ever did?

Finding out what is important to your loved one and what motivates them is a wonderful way to learn more about who they are on the inside. If they share these details with you, you’re likely to connect with them deeper than ever before.

The wisdom of experience

Near the end of the talk, try to sum up your discussion by asking your senior loved one important questions about how the experiences they’ve shared affected and shaped them into the person they are today.

• Who influenced you the most in your life and how?
• Did anyone lend you a helping hand or do you a favor that helped you get ahead in life and, if so, what was it?
• If you could share one bit of life advice with future generations, what would it be?
• Is there a life lesson that was difficult to experience, but you were later glad you did?
• Is there a time in your life that you would like to go back and repeat? What would you do differently if anything?
• How has your perspective changed about what’s important to you as you’ve gotten older?

Hopefully, when the conversation is finished, it will have brought lots of smiles to everyone involved, revealed facts that you never would have known otherwise, and reminded your loved one that they’re an important part of your life!

Learn more about connecting with seniors on Bethesda’s blog.