When a parent has dementia, their capacity to reason and remember changes, which in turn diminishes their ability to communicate and respond. How does one know how best to communicate with them?
According to Vicki Chism, Nurse Manager at Bethesda Southgate, the key is to find the familiar person that is still inside of them. “Meet them where they are currently at,” she says. “It takes patience and adjustment, but seniors living with dementia are still individuals who can and need to connect with people.”
Establishing and maintaining those connections can be challenging but are essential to improving the relationships between a parent living with dementia and their children. Here are some tips for caregivers and family members coping with dementia in a parent.
Find the Person, Lose the Fear
“People fear dementia because they don’t know what to say to their loved one,” says Vicki. “They are afraid they may say or do something that will upset them.”
According to Vicki, because dementia carries such a negative stigma, people tend to associate those living with dementia with feelings of hopelessness. “Many people believe their parents aren’t able to do anything,” she says. However, she points out, there are many ways of interacting, depending upon the stage of the disease progression.
Suggestions for Connection
At Bethesda Southgate, staff use memory books to review with dementia residents. “The books are their personal story,” says Vicki. “Families also bring photos to stimulate old memories because they are more easily recalled and enjoyed.”
If the senior loves to cook, perhaps recipes could be reviewed and tried. If they worked with their hands when they were younger, maybe a craft project would be good. At Bethesda Southgate, birdhouse kits are provided for those with an interest in building, and in the spring and summer, those who historically have liked to garden have an area they tend.
Involve their senses. Bring in music they loved in the past. Go for a short walk on a nice day. Pursue an old hobby they used to enjoy. If they are able, a mild exercise session might re-energize them.
Planning these types of activities requires an understanding of your parent’s capabilities. For example, do they still read? Do they seem to enjoy old movies? What do they talk about when you visit? Just be realistic about your expectations.
Vicki suggests it is important to allow your parent to do as much as they can on their own, regardless of the activity selected. Also, correcting a faulty memory while reviewing family history or photos may cause them to feel agitated and to shut down. Communication is far better than corrections.
If your parent is in an assisted living community or in long-term care, ask the staff what they have observed. Perhaps they can suggest some activities.
Picking the Best Time
Making the most of the moments together may also require finding a time that is best for your senior parent. Memory Support residents at Bethesda Southgate have the ability to set their own rhythms as much as possible. “Some like to sleep during the day and are awake in the evening or night, so we ask family members to stop by in the evening,” says Vicki.
Whenever you visit, Vicki notes that it is best to approach someone with dementia from the front rather than the side. “Look them in the eye, and don’t tower over them,” she suggests.
Building your relationship with your senior loved one is important. It’s also important to make sure they are receiving the care they need in a comfortable, home-like environment. Bethesda offers Home Health Care for seniors aging in place, and our Memory Support communities across the St. Louis area offer dementia care and support for those coping with dementia in a parent. Schedule a tour at a community near you to learn more.
