Caring for Aging Parents: Tips for Navigating High Expectations

As our parents age, they may experience some of the common challenges that arise with getting older, such as falls, weakness, and changing health conditions. This means they often will rely on you for assistance with certain tasks and household chores. As a result, you may feel that their expectations are higher than they used to be.

How much a person can do and the amount of stress they can bear varies. It’s important for you to take care of yourself so you can be your best for your loved ones and yourself. Let’s explore some solutions that will help manage your stress when it feels like your parents have high expectations.

Solutions for Navigating High Expectations

When aging parents expect too much, it can feel overwhelming. However, there are several ways of navigating these challenges while still providing emotional support to your parents and potentially  improving your relationship. Here are some of the best ways you can do this:

Encourage Open Communication

This is perhaps the most important way to navigate high expectations, as most everything you’ll do will revolve around being open and honest with your parents. Have regular conversations with your parents to make sure you understand their needs, desires, and concerns.

In turn, it’s important to share your feelings and limitations from the perspective of someone who may also be working a full-time job or caring for a family of your own. By keeping your lines of communication open, you can work collaboratively to tackle the problem and find solutions that work for both you and your parents.

By working together, hopefully you’ll arrive at a compromise on what you can assist with and reassure them that you’ll do your best to solve any problems. And by actively showing that you’ll work to resolve problem areas, you can help alleviate your parents’ concerns.

Be Realistic

As a family caregiver, you may feel like you need to do it all, so you may push yourself harder. However, this is doing a disservice to yourself because you may become burned out, and a disservice to your parents because you may not be able to provide the best care possible if you keep pushing yourself beyond your limits.

Understand that you can’t do everything or be everywhere, and it’s OK (and important) to ask for help and set boundaries. When setting boundaries with your parents, be realistic about your own time and energy constraints, and personal commitments.

To set boundaries, communicate with your parents about which tasks you will personally handle and which will be taken on by others. For example, if a sibling is going to help your parents attend doctor appointments, and multiple people are taking responsibility for helping with meal preparation, having this information written on a calendar and placed where your parents can easily reference it will help them know who to reach out to for specific things.

Have Empathy

Kindness and empathy are powerful emotions that can go a long way as you care for your aging parents. Remember that aging can be a difficult time, potentially accompanied by feelings of loss and vulnerability as they rely more on adult children for assistance. This can translate to heightened expectations as your parents seek to hold on to control.. Put yourself in your parents’ shoes and acknowledge their emotions.

Remember that what appears to be high expectations may not be about fulfilling every demand. Rather, it may be more about seeking emotional support and validation for feelings, so it’s essential to demonstrate to your parents that you genuinely care.

Seek Support

It’s important to state this again: You don’t have to do this alone. Caregiving isn’t, and shouldn’t be, a solo endeavor.

Don’t hesitate to ask your spouse, close friends, or other family members for assistance with tasks. Delegating responsibilities such as grocery shopping or laundry can help ensure your parents’ needs are being met while relieving some of the burden off your shoulders.

Additionally, taking time out for self-care — such as engaging in physical activity, eating a healthy diet, and participating in hobbies you enjoy — is beneficial for mental health and ensures you’re at your best for your parents.

Explore the Benefits of Senior Living

When aging parents expect too much, it can feel overwhelming. However, there are many resources to help older adults and their caregivers.

For example, independent living communities provide several benefits when it comes to senior care, amenities, delicious meals, and more. However, one of the top questions about senior living is the cost. Compare the cost of being a homeowner to the cost of senior living with our personalized calculator.