Aging with Grace—Easing Your Loved One into Old Age

Talking about aging with parents can be difficult. But being honest about the topic is important. Honesty, loving and supportive conversations can address their fears and make the transition far more positive than it would be by avoiding important issues. The stress of the changes and demands that aging places on seniors can be enormous. There are many things that you can do and say to make life easier for them and assist them in aging with grace.

Start the Conversations Early

Some experts suggest beginning as many as five years before a major decision is likely about where and how Mom or Dad may live in the future.

Be Understanding

Family members and caregivers need to understand that aging affects more than the physical body of a senior. Often, seniors have an increasing fear of losing their independence, as they no longer feel in complete control of their lives.

Another often unexpressed reluctance is the wish to not be a burden to others. They are the ones who spent many years caring for their children. Now the children are assuming the caring roles for them, and that’s a hard concept for some to accept.

Be Observant

Before offering your own ideas and suggestions, you should closely observe your  loved one. What are they capable of doing? What has become difficult?

Is there a loss of mobility, poor balance, some cognitive decline, depression, difficulty in completing daily tasks like shopping, cooking, managing finances or medications, handling lawn care, and operating a car?

Is the home still safe, taking into consideration the progressive physical challenges your senior may be experiencing?

What you observe will help determine the care and supervision options that may be needed to assist your senior in aging with grace – and subsequently may change your initial perspectives.

Talk about Goals and Wishes

What does the senior want from the rest of his or her life? Those needs could include maintaining physical health and social contacts, being involved in community activities, and spending time with family and friends.

Though end-of-life arrangements can be difficult to address, many seniors are concerned about how they will be cared for and remembered. Therefore, it is important to have a discussion around this concern sooner than later.

The Conversation Project is an initiative of the Institute for Healthcare Improvement. It focuses on the way seniors want to live through the end of their lives. A free conversation starter guide that provides a framework for discussion is available.

Tips for Talking to Your Senior Loved One

Each person places a different value on qualities like respect, self-reliance and a sense of purpose. The best approach is to appeal to the values that matter most to your senior, and stress your desire to enable them to maintain and enjoy what independence they still have.

Avoid forbidding them from doing certain activities. Listen to what they have to say. If the conversation becomes too intense, change the topic and bring it up at another time.

Help with Motivation

Life can get better with age. There are a lot of details associated with aging that may have to be worked out, but life is more than details. All people have basic needs that make life worthwhile, including:

• Being physically active
• Being a part of a community and family
• A personal purpose
• Independence
• Being creative
• Having fun

You can help your senior meet these needs in their journey toward aging with grace. Find the resources they need to maintain their health. Encourage them to set goals and take small steps to reach them. Applaud their efforts and progress. Always let them know you love and support them.

To learn more about helping aging parents please visit Bethesda’s Caregiver Tips blog.