It can be frustrating when your aging parent refuses help. However, it’s important to approach the situation with empathy, kindness, and patience. Change can be challenging for everyone, so it’s important to consider their perspective and what may be driving their behavior.
We understand there may be a lot going through your mind right now. Let’s explore how you can approach the situation with compassion and support your parents when they’re refusing help.
Tips for Understanding Parents Who Refuse Help
You can start by learning how to approach tough discussions with empathy and kindness. Here are some ways you can best support your parent:
Consider their perspective.
When your parent won’t listen to advice about caring for themselves, take a step back and try to see the situation from their perspective instead of reacting with frustration.
They may be experiencing the effects of their shrinking social circle, having a harder time doing things that were once easy for them, or feeling sad about the passing of a friend. Your parents may also be facing physical and cognitive challenges that cause them to exhibit stubborn behaviors.
It’s important to take this time to listen to your loved one and discuss how they’re feeling. Empathize with their feelings of vulnerability, loss of independence, or changes in how they used to do things.
Also, remember that your parent still views themselves as an authority figure. It can be difficult for them to listen to advice and suggestions from their children.
Focus on listening and communication.
Effective communication and listening are crucial. Ensure you and your parent are calm before having important discussions. If either of you are feeling frustrated, it can be difficult to have a productive conversation and may result in hurt feelings. Becoming upset won’t help you arrive at a helpful conclusion.
Create an open and welcoming environment for your loved one to express their concerns, fears, and viewpoint. In turn, actively listen to what they have to say and be gentle in your responses. Staying calm and approaching discussions with love will reassure them that they won’t face any coming challenges alone.
Pick your battles.
Evaluate the issue at the heart of heated discussions. Is it dangerous, such as smoking in bed or continuing to drive with impaired vision or motor skills? Or is it just an annoyance, such as not doing laundry as frequently as you think they should or wearing the same outfit twice in a week?
Encourage their independence.
Your parents worked hard their whole life. They took care of housework and lawn maintenance all on their own. However, they may now find themselves more dependent on others, which can cause fear and worry.
To help them navigate these changes and maintain control, it’s important to encourage their independence. For example, include them in decision-making processes and daily activities as much as is feasible.
To encourage independence while maintaining safety, install handrails and non-slip mats in the bathroom and remove tripping hazards such as loose rugs, cords, and boxes throughout their residence.
Seek professional support.
Being a family caregiver can be physically and emotionally demanding. Make sure you’re not neglecting your own health.
Don’t hesitate to ask other family members and friends for help. For example, they may be able to help with activities such as shopping for groceries or preparing meals. Taking care of yourself and ensuring you’re not doing it all on your own will help you be your best for your parents. Geriatric Care Managers can provide practical suggestions and emotional support.
Find the Additional Support You Need
Everyone needs support and a helping hand. Find the support you and your parents need at Bethesda. Learn more about our St. Louis-based communities today.
