The holidays are supposed to be a time of thankfulness, reflection, observance, and celebration. But too often, the idealistic visions of a perfect holiday are marred by tensions and stress. Financial pressure, over-commitment, and unrealistic expectations are often among the culprits. There are adjustments you can make, however, that can bring joy and peace to the season.
How to Avoid Holiday Stress
1. HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.
Magazines, TV shows, and even commercials depict elaborate holiday decorations, spotless homes, and bountiful feasts. All of those images push us toward unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others. De-stress by doing what is realistic for you without feeling guilty, lazy, or inadequate.
“What the marketers cannot do is prepare a person for what really matters — the relationships in our lives,” says Karen Strange, a marriage and family therapist in Greer, SC. “Focusing on the people around the table and expressing genuine interest in their lives without judgment are the cornerstones for creating a memorable holiday season.”
2. BE FLEXIBLE.
Failure to make concessions about when and where celebrations occur can create stress in families. Be willing to consider getting together on a different day before or after the holiday if need be. The actual day isn’t as important as the opportunity to gather in a relaxed, unrushed atmosphere. That way, you avoid everyone being on edge because of demands and frustration.
3. AVOID Re-Hashing OLD CONFLICTS.
For some, simply gathering the family creates stress because of past disagreements or ongoing feuds. Avoid being pulled into long-lasting arguments that reopen emotional wounds, create tension, and ruin holiday gatherings.
“If confronted by unpleasant past experiences while at a holiday gathering, the best response is to own it while offering to discuss it at a later date,” says Strange.
“A remark such as, ‘You’re right. I know we have past hurts between us. Let’s schedule a time to discuss it in the near future. I welcome the opportunity to clear the air,’ sets aside the desire to win an argument or persuade someone to adopt your point of view,” she says. “That’s paramount. Having the relationship be the winner is what matters most.”
4. DOWNGRADE DECOR.
Maybe you’ve recently downsized and moved into a senior living community, where you did not have room to bring all of your decor. Or perhaps you are still living in your home, but pulling decorations out from storage has become too difficult and is no longer a top priority.
Just because neighbors or family members decorate excessively doesn’t mean you can’t opt for a different experience. Simple decorations are just as festive and perhaps more peaceful than over-the-top extravagance.
Include a few items that are special to you, your children, or your grandchildren, but don’t feel obligated to use everything in your attic — or buy more.
5. DON’T BUST THE BUDGET.
The National Endowment for Financial Education cites gifts, parties, decorations, and travel as sources of financial pressure during the holidays. For older adults on a fixed income, maintaining your budget may require decreasing the number of gifts you give or finding other ways to cut costs. Ignore retail hype that creates a sense of urgency or plays on emotions. Avoid the temptation to buy with credit cards. Your stress level will skyrocket in January when bills arrive.
6. RESIST OVER-SCHEDULING.
For many, a full holiday calendar equals exhaustion. Consider how you are feeling and capable of doing before accepting invitations. Leave holes in your calendar for rest, quiet evenings at home or impromptu gatherings. You’ll be glad you did.
7. MAINTAIN DIETARY MODERATION AND EXERCISE.
When schedules fill up, exercise — which is a stress reliever — usually is the first thing pushed off the to-do list. Personal trainer Tracy Harrison of Spartanburg, S.C., suggests thinking ahead rather than giving up exercise during the holidays.
“Don’t use an event that conflicts with your normal exercise routine or the fact that you’ll be out of town as an excuse to skip exercise. When the new year arrives, it’s much harder to get back into a routine when you’ve stopped exercising altogether. Take tennis shoes when you go out of town for the holidays. You can walk outside or at a mall anywhere, just as you can do squats, lunges, push-ups, and sit-ups anywhere. Encourage others to join you,” says Harrison.
Regarding diet, Harrison says, “When asked to provide food for a holiday party, take a healthy option. If you don’t have control over what’s being served, eat before you go. Drink lots of water during the holidays and limit alcoholic beverages, which add additional calories. Don’t totally deprive yourself. You want to enjoy the holidays, but sometimes binge eating occurs after you get home from a party where you’ve eaten nothing.”
Follow these tips from Bethesda for healthy holiday eating.
8. RESERVE TIME FOR QUIET REFLECTION.
Despite the crazy schedule of the holidays, carve out time to reflect on blessings and pleasant memories. Self-care is especially important for family caregivers, who are at risk for caregiver stress syndrome.
Read inspirational books or faith-based teachings if those speak to you. Make a list of what you’re thankful for or write an account of a special holiday memory.
Time spent in quiet reflection soothes stress and reminds us of what is really important about the holidays.
Avoid Stress Year-Round for Your Health
It’s important to avoid stress at any time of the year—but especially during the busy holiday season! Find more Senior Health & Wellness Tips throughout the year on Bethesda’s blog.
Originally published on November 23, 2018 by Candy Arrington for Next Avenue.
